And I Wonder, Were You Scared When The Metal Hit The Glass? See I Was Playing A Show Down The Road...

The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound


So my last night was not as amazing as my favorite UnfortunateSteelersFan's noche (which apparently consisted solely of Monk and Scrabble, and I'm incredibly jealous), but it was still fairly baller. Here's how it went down.


So first off, I finished my Physics homework, and I did 11 of the 15 ON MY OWN. No big deal. I needed TallRoommate to help me with the last four, but I mean, I still felt pretty accomplished.

But because I was doing Physics, it meant I didn't end up going out until 11:45 or so, but when I got to my party, I met the coolest person of my life. Okay, not as cool as FavoriteSister. I'll start over. So I got to my party, and I met the second coolest person of my life.

I'm pretty certain we're destined to be the greatest of friends. I woke up this morning, and she had texted me the phrase "poop on a stick." I giggled so hard. Because you see, I text or IM that to people all the time. It's hilarious to me.

Then, when I walked home this morning, I came home to a few of my friends from high school sitting on my couch, flanked on either side by a case of Natty Light and a giant tub of pretzals, watching Big Daddy. I don't think it would have been possible for me to be happier.

So that's where I am, on GayRoommate's computer, watching Big Daddy, waiting until I leave for my gymnastics meet. Goodness, I'm incredibly lame, and I like it.

I Can See The Warning Signs Ahead Of Me...

The Mommyheads - Help Me


There are times in my life when I say to myself, "wow, I learn new things about myself all the time!"

One of those times was today.

In class today, we talked about gait analysis. It was decided that I would be the guinea pig, no doubt because of my dashing good looks (why yes, I do enjoy lying to myself).

This was just some of the class discussion as I walked back and forth:

"Look at his hips swing! It's like he thinks he's a model!"

"A not very good model..."

"You were a runner? I don't see how it was physically possible."

"Yeah, it's like his ankles don't bend up at all. No wonder he looks so weird when he walks."

"Do you think he even can bend his ankles? Hey, try and bend your ankles up!"

"Oh my god, they barely bend up at all. Are you sure you were a runner?"

"This explains why you kept breaking and going on crutches. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to walk right when you were little?"

So there you have it. I'm a physiological phenomenon. It's apparently a wonder that I manage to walk at all, let alone run. I mean, I knew I had an awkward body. That's what happens when you're 6'5" and weigh 162 pounds. But I had no idea that it was this strange. My prof was in awe of me.

But I do take comfort in the fact that nobody noticed it until I took my shoes off, took my pants off (it was hot), and had people study my legs for 10 minutes. So at least strangers on the street aren't horrified by my gait. At least I hope not.

Everyone's Unhappy, Everyone's Ashamed. Well We All Just Got Caught Looking At Somebody Else's Page...

Modest Mouse - Missed The Boat

I can't help it, this song is too god damn catchy.


Anyhoo.

I meant to say! We had our 4,500 visitor! Several days ago, actually, and I forgot to report it.

Anyhoo, congratulations to an unknown reader out of Grand Rapids, MI!!! I know there's several of you, so I don't know who it was, so congratulations to all of you!!

They narrowly beat out our favorite reader out of Downers Grove, Illinois, which, besides being the most depressing name for a town ever, also apparently has some history to it. Are you ready? Because here it comes. Thank you Wikipedia.

As of the 2000 census, the population was 48,724, and for every 100 females 18 or older, there were only 87.7 males. And don't worry, I'm fairly certain they simply found a percentage, and there's not actually seven tenths of men walking around all over the town.

Downers Grove features the Downers Grove Golf Course (most creative name ever? yes), which is the largest golf course west of the Allegheny Mountains.

Local high schools Hinsdale Central High School and Downers Grove North High School battle it out every year in football for the Old Oaken Bucket, a trophy name skillfully stolen from the trophy awarded to the winner of the football game between Purdue and Indiana.

Oh! And waste water is treated by the Downers Grove Sanitary District!!

And this one is info is from their official website: whilst the town has but ONE talent agency, and just ONE bakery (Ingram's Busy Bee Bakery), they have a full compliment of EIGHTEEN catering companies. EIGHTEEN!! Does that make sense, and I'm just an idiot? Perhaps.

It's A Giant Among Clichés, And That's Why I Want You To Sing It Anyway...

Andrew Bird - The Happy Birthday Song


Happy birthday to Rachel! Hurray! Hurray!!! HURRAY!!!!!

Been Workin' All Day In The Hot Hot Sun...

Pat the White - Promised Land

Now this is a live version of the song, because it's all that I could find, but you should absolutely listen to it. It features some of the sexiest guitar riffs of all time. And I'm sure there's at least a few of you out there saying to yourselves, "guitar riffs can't be sexy." Well you're wrong.


Anyhoo.

So someone wrote this on my Facebook today:

"i had a dream that you asked me to play laser tag with you in a university building after it was closed and you assured me we wouldn't get in trouble and i trusted you and we got caught and expelled from the university.
i think that makes us even for all the spilt chow moo."

It made me incredibly happy.

And in case you're wondering what the last sentence means, here's the story. So when she says "chow moo," what she really means is "cho moo," and she just doesn't know how to spell. And cho moo, of course, is chocolate milk, my second favorite beverage of all time (just behind Mr. Pibb, which when consumed along with Red Vines = crazy delicious, so I hear).

Anyhoo, several months ago, this girl was at a party at my apartment, and somehow managed to take a header into the coffee table, and in the process of falling, smashed the table. Like, beyond repair. It's gone.

This is all well and good, except that for about a month, I kept forgetting that the table was gone. So I'd be sitting at my couch, watching Game Show Network, drinking my cho moo, and I'd go to put my my delicious beverage on the coffee table. I'd set it down, only to hear it go crashing to the ground, at which point I would remember that I didn't have a coffee table, and I had just set my cho moo down on air.

This happened several times.

Naturally, I blamed this girl for my lost cho moo. She felt badly (victory!), and proceeded to buy me a gallon of it, but I've yet to fully forgive her. In all honesty, I forgave her long ago. I can't believe that she's actually okay with taking responsibility for me being an idiot, and dropping gallons of milk at random all over my living room. But she is still under the impression that I'm upset with her, and I guess I'll just keep rolling with it.

Maybe I'll get some more cho moo out of her. Not out of her per se, more that she'll purchase me some more from the store. Eww.

It's Been A Couple Of Days, And A Real Dark Night...

Raphael Saadiq - Big Easy


Let's just quick go over the fact that I just made an allusion to the show Recess in my essay. What's that? You feel an A? Me too.

And I Want To Be With You, And Always Will, Until I Die...

Ben Kweller - Until I Die


So basically, 24 is ruining my life. The episode finished, and I just stared at the TV. "I don't understand!" I screamed. "Are they just going to follow them? And hope that they can somehow break in and steal the CIP device?!? That doesn't make sense to me!"

Also, Chloe needs to be in the show more. She's socially awkward, and I think that she's the only person on the show that could possibly resemble a real person. She's adorable, and I love her.


So I'm at gymnastics today, and listening to the mix CD that was playing that day, and at one point, I realized that I was singing, outloud, to the song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Now as you may recall, I have a bit of an obsession with this song, but that generally doesn't involve me singing it outloud in public. Embarassing.

Because I don't know how the rest of the world feels about this song. I know that all of my roommates make fun of me for loving it (yes, even the gay one), and most of my friends don't approve of it. But with a group of female gymnasts, I might be okay? I don't know.


Also, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I mean, for real?

All The Ducks Are Swimming In The Water...

Lemon Jelly - Nice Weather For Ducks

Dear every person reading this. You need to watch this video. All of it. NEED to. It's basically the happiest video/song ever created. Its just under four minutes long, and you have no excuse for not watching it. Thus, watch it. That is all.


Anyhoo, so last night, I had a magical adventure. It wasn't really an adventure, per se, but I enjoyed it. It was pretty adorable. Not on my part, mind you, but on this stranger's part.

So.

I walked my friend back to her house after we left this party, and after I dropped her off, I started to walk back to the party. It was a 25 minute walk or so, and I get bored easily, so I was people watching as I walked. Then I saw this guy and girl talking on a street corner.

Girl: "No, I don't want you to walk me back. I just met you, I don't know you at all, I'll just walk myself."

Guy: "Come on, you know me, let's go."

Girl: "No, get away from me."

That was my cue.

So I walk up to the girl and I'm all "Hey! How are you?"

And she looks at me all confused, understandably. So I say "Oh, are you going home? I could walk you if you want?"

We look at eachother for a second, and then she smiles a little and goes "yeah, that'd be great."

So we start to walk, leaving creeper boy in our dust, and after we've been walking for a minute, she looks at me and says "Oh, right, sorry, I'm Emily by the way. And thanks for that. He was creepy, and then you came along, and you seemed trustworthy, so thanks."

I giggled.

Now the real question is, what made me, a total stranger walking down the street by myself at 2 in the morning seem like a trustworthy character, while this boy was a rapist? I don't know, but I guess I'm okay with it.

So I don't know her last name (she told me, but I forgot it), I don't have her number, and I'll never see her again, but she made my night happier, so it's cool.

The Title Held By Me, MIB, Means What You Think You Saw You Did Not See...

Forever The Sickest Kids - Men In Black

Why do I love albums like Punk Goes Crunk? Because they provide me with things like this, awkward covers of Will Smith songs.


So tonight a large group of us watched one of my all time favorite movies, Green Street Hooligans, in honor of the fact that a sequel is coming out soon. And let me tell you, it was just as good this time as it ever was. Not as glorious as Rocky, but glorious nevertheless.

And my friends have tend to become a bit wary when I praise movies as being super magical. If I say a movie is really good, they generally assume that it is indeed really good, but if I say that it's super epic, they start to worry that it actually sucks. This all stems from the fact that all of my friends hated the movie Lars and the Real Girl, which I insisted to them was the best movie of 2007 (because it was).

But either way, everybody liked Hooligans, and the movie inspired me to write a haiku:

British accents make
even unattractive men
seem more appealing

It applied to the men of 2005, and I think it rings true today.

She Opened Up And Laid It All Right There, She Said, "I Don't Mind, No, No I Don't Care. I'll Help You Shovel Out My Shallow Hole..."

Tilly And The Wall - Coughing Colors

This is by far my favorite Tilly and the Wall song. It's not at all their normal genre of music (aka it's not super upbeat and happy), but I think it's a beautiful song, and it goes perfectly in my depressing music playlist, which I've been owning for the past week. He might not have the best voice, but I think it works well for this song. And I love it.


Anyhoo, I had a major blast from the past today. Wait for it. So my sophomore year of high school, in English class, my friend and I came up with the best business plan ever. We decided to start our own chain of stores. Of course, we realized that it would start out as a single store, but soon, it would turn into thousands.

Here's the store. It's called Pants 'n Porn. Inside the store you'd find, yup, you guessed it, a huge god damn crowd of people, because it'd be so popular. But once you fought your way through the mass of humanity, you'd find both pants and ('n) porn.

Because think about it. You love shopping for pants. And you may not have shopped for porn before, but the idea has always intrigued you a little at least. Admit it. That's right.

So why not put these two magical items together?! In one store! Pants 'n Porn! I know, it's brilliant. Yes, I understand that for our first few weeks of existance, our clientele would consist mostly of creepy old men with denim fetishes, but once the rest of the community became more aware of us, it would only be a matter of time before our empire would grow.

Of course, as we grew, we'd expand our selection a bit (suspenders, overalls, edible underwear), but we'd always stay true to our core mission.

So if one day, you're driving down the street, and you see a bright neon sign that says Pants 'n Porn (of course we use neon signs, exclusively. They're badass), I want a single tear to come to your eye, and for you to pump your fist and say "he did it!" Thank you.

I Could Stay Here, Become Someone Different. I Could Stay Here, Become Someone Better...

Cat Power - Colors And The Kids


So can we just quickly go over that the Oscar nominations this year are bullshit.

First off, how did The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button get 13 nominations? I liked this movie. I liked it a lot. But I didn't like it 13 Oscars worth.

And then, with a couple glaring exceptions, it's basically the Golden Globes 2.0. These exceptions, of course, are Kate Winslet not being nominated for Best Supporting Actress, and Bruce Springsteen not being nominated for Best Original Song, after both of these won the Golden Globe. That's upsetting to me.

And then I was saying to myself, "boy, I hope Milk does better at the Oscars than it did at the Golden Globes." But then I thought about it. Well it won't win Best Picture, or Actor, or Supporting Actor, and I can't imagine them giving it Director. So maybe it'll win one of the loser ones (Editing, Costume Design, Musical Score). But I'm feeling as if it can win Writing (Original Screenplay). Wait for it.

Her Soul Burned Black With Coal And Grease...

Bruce Peninsula - 2nd 4th World War

I've decided I really like Bruce Peninsula, and that they're great to study too. And this song is one of my favs, but so is "Shutters," so here's a link to that one too.


So I haven't posted in a couple days. I've been a little distracted, but I'm back on top of it now. I can only assume you were terribly worried.


Also, can we quickly go over that this is the greatest shit of my life? While I don't really see a big reason to remember John McCain, as this woman insists we need to do, this does make me laugh. Also, tell me that the girl who starts talking at 1:00 doesn't look exactly like Kirsten Dunst.


And timeout. Wait for it. Guess who now owns an apple cozy. That's right! It's me! My friend knitted it for me, and and I can put my apple in it, put it in my backpack, and it won't get all bruised. It's teal (which has slowly become my favorite color, for real) and has a big white button. I love it. It's basically magical.


Last point of the day, Pink and Carey are back together, and I couldn't be more excited. I don't care if they got a divorce, they're still perfect for eachother. Truth. Don't argue.

How About Some Credit Now, Where Credit Is Due, For Damage That Was Done...

Andrew Bird - Heretics

So guess whos going to go see Andrew Bird in concert. Come on, guess. That's right! It's me!!!! Guess who's excited. Please? Right again!!! Me!!!!


So I was talking to JewishFormerRoommate today, and I say to him, "so what are you doing today? You know, other than eating bagels?"

So he busts out laughing and says, "holy shit, I just got back from the bakery. I'm holding a bag of bagels as we speak. Please tell me that you're eating ham."

Conveniently..."well I'm currently frying bacon."

It was a magical moment in Jewish/Gentile relationships and stereotyping. It was glorious.


We went on to discuss other activies that I could partake in, so as to live up to my Gentile heritage:

"hunting"
"ice fishing"
"smoking buddah"
"pounding brews"
"beating up strangers"
"living the dream"
"participating in any form of athletics"
"driving a pick-up truck"
"listening to Bruce Springsteen" (I was all over that one)

I best get started.

And As I Finally Tried To Speak, Twelve Birds Flew Straightaways From My Mouth...

Blitzen Trapper - Sleepy Time In The Western World


NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Say it ain't so! It can't be!!! Boy George, you were my hero! And now...this?!? Damn you! But don't you fret. I'll listen to every song on Colour By Numbers every day until you're freed from this purgatory of the state.


Also, this is stupid. Yes, these kids are idiots. They should know that if they send naked pictures of themselves to other people, that they will be seen by people other than for whom they were intended. But I don't think that this should be a legal issue, let alone a child pornography issue. That's ridiculous. This guy is saying how "yes, they should be punished," which I agree with, but punished by their parents. This is not a state issue.

And then the next woman saying that they have to charge them with child pornography because it's all they can think of to charge them with? Well maybe that should tell you that it's not something that should be dealt with by the courts. And when she goes on to say that they're trying to "send a message to all teens," that just upsets me. These girls are 14 and 15, and you're going to come down on them as hard as you can to make an example of them? That's ridiculous.


But I'm done with you CNN, you've upset me enough for the day.


But anyhoo, so next weekend, I'm going to be doing this bike ride who's whole schtick is that it happens when the weather is at the absolute worst of the year. I'm super excited. I haven't ridden my bike in a while, but it should be good. I'm pumped.

Naturally, I don't actually have my bike, so I'm having my Madre and Padre bring it to me next weekend, the day before the ride. Because I'm apparently pro at planning things. So I won't really have a chance to get back into biking mode, but I figure I'll be okay.

So they have rides that are 6, 12, 20-25, and 40 miles long, and my friend I think is planning on the 20-25 ride, but I'm working on convincing him that we need to do the 40. How baller would that be?? So baller. I'm so so excited. I could just poo.


Oh, and we have our first gymnastics meet today. I'm pretty sure it's going to be magical. As gymnastics its an incredibly elitest sport (take that equestrian), I'm supposed to dress up (aka I need to find a tie and sport coat). This is different from every other sport here, where the athletic trainers are expected to wear khakis and a polo. No no no, gymnastics is too baller, and we're going to look classy. I'm actually kind of excited. I like getting dressed up, and I do it so rarely (a la my usual atire of homemade pj pants and t-shirts I've been wearing since the fifth grade). So it should be good.


And just a reminder, if you haven't suggested Jaimee Harris, I feel as if you should. Again, it takes less than ten seconds. You're a hero.

Happens All The Time To Everyone We Know...

Thunder Power - Why Don't You Go Take A Hike


So last night, I was talking to someone at the library, and she said to me, "I feel as if I'm wasted." Naturally, I assume they're making a reference to the song "Happy Ending" by MIKA (that's a link to a different video, because it has the whole song. Here's the actual video, but with the shortened, single version of the song), one of my fav songs, and not just because it lends itself to magical a capella versions, including this one by Amazin' Blue. Though all a capella songs will always lack a little something to me, as none of them will ever live up the a capella version of Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit."

So anyhoo, I start singing MIKA, and yes, I totally assumed I could hit that note (I couldn't).

She had no idea what I was singing.

And this confused me, because "I feel as if I'm wasted" seems like a strange phrase to say. I mean, if she said something like "I feel wasted," then that would sound normal. But "I feel as if I'm wasted," well that doesn't sound like something that one would ever actually say. Hence, I assumed she was being MIKAtastic.

But no, I just looked like an idiot. Good thing that tends to happen, so I'm totally used to it.

Twilight Omens In My Life, Then I Hear Your Name...

Franz Ferdinand - Twilight Omens

First off, if you watch this video, you'll probably be in the first hundred people or so to do so, because it was added to YouTube less than an hour ago. What magical timing.


Anyhoo, I don't like this. Let's imagine you're a high school senior, and you're having sex with your Calculus teacher? For me, that'd be even more strange, as my teacher my Senior year of high school was a bitter old nun. But I loved her so...


Also, I ask you all for help. If you would, and this takes legitimately under ten (10) seconds, go to this website and suggest Jaimee Harris. You're a hero.

And So It Goes, And So It Goes, And So Will You Soon I Suppose...

Billy Joel - And So It Goes


Can we just take a quick second to talk about how intensely awkward it was for a brief moment when Ryan Seacrest went to high-five the blind man on American Idol? Thank God he's a smooth fellow, and he fixed the situation ("I'm giving you a high-five...and congratulations"). Because it could have been bad.

I Will Never Forgive You For What You Put Us Kids Through...

Jenny Lewis - Bad Man's World

I love Jenny Lewis, and I'm a fan of this song. And Madre, I feel as if you would like her too, and you should listen to her. Let me know what you think. This is a live version, but if you want the actual MP3's, I can always send them to you.


Anyhoo, I had a revelation today. I decided that I hate people.

I, of course, came to this conclusion after looking at the cooking directions for my Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, which included the instruction, "Remove pizza from box and plastic bag." Oh really? I don't just put the whole box in?

And you see, this uset me because you know that instruction wasn't there when they first produced these pizzas, but then someone was an idiot, and put the whole box in the oven, and then sued the company.

My hate was only increased about an hour later when GayRoommate and I were looking at the back of his box of Simply Sleep, a sleeping medication. Naturally, one of the warnings written on it was that it "may cause drowsiness." I belive that the phrase he used was, "well it better cause drowsiness, or else I'm returning this shit!"

But again, I can only assume that they were worried about idiots taking it, getting tired, and suing the company.

Thus, I've decided that we propose an Idiot Law, in which whenever someone is suing a company, and the rest of the world is aware that this person is an idiot (i.e. Liebeck v. McDonalds), the plaintiff would be sent to jail instead, as they have no business being in the real world. I think it'll catch on.

This Place That Is My Home I Cannot Stay, My Only Faith's In The Broken Bones And Bruises I Display...

Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler

I felt I should use this song, due to Bruce's recent success at the Golden Globes.


Also, can we quick go over that Kate Winslet is back with a vengance? I mean, winning both Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress? That's so baller.


But really, all I wanted to talk about was the fact that I've decided I'm in love with 24. Now this poses a little bit of a problem. ShortRoommate loves it more than anything in the world, and I've spent the past four months ridiculing him for this. Alas, it turns out I love the show, thus teaching me again not to rip on things without actually having any experience with them.

But I'm far too stubborn to concede, so this is my new point of view: yes, while this season is indeed baller, every season leading up to this season has been awful. I chose to start watching now, because I had a gut feeling that it was finally going to be good.

I think it's going to work.

I Can't Stand It No More, So Don't You Put Me Down...

The Sacred Sailors - I Can't Stand It


So we had our 4,000th visitor. This time, the title went to one of our Grand Rapids, MI readers. I knew you could do it, and I'm ever so proud.


So I need you to tell me if this is weird. I don't think it is, but it was pointed out to me that it is, so I don't know what to think. I'm at this party last night (that's not the weird part, wait for it). So I'm chatting with my amiga (keep waiting), and someone pointed out that my friend and I were standing under mistletoe (as this was a post-Christmas Christmas party). So we kissed, which prompted this helpful stranger to complain that it wasn't a hot enough kiss. So we made out a little bit.

We're not dating, and we don't hook up or anything, it was just a friendly make out sesh. That's not weird, correct? I don't know, but if anyone has any idea, that would be magical. You're a hero. You're all heroes.


Oh, and I'm fairly certain I have turf toe. Here's how it went down. So I was standing on my tip toes, playing with the sparkles on the ceiling (it made sense when I was doing it), and someone jumped on my back. I kind of went forward a little, and it didn't really hurt at the time, but then about an hour later, it was killing me to walk, and now this morning my MTP joint is swollen and gross.

Granted, that's not really how turf toe would present. I mean, yeah, that would work as a mechanism of injury, and at this point it seems like turf toe, but I don't understand why it didn't hurt right away.

I suppose something else could have caused it, but that's all I can think of.


But on the upside, playing with the sparkles was super fun. Plus, people put them in my hair, I was glittertastic, and it was sexy. Fo sho.

But Mama, Can You Hear Me? As I Dragged On My Day's Last Cigarette...

Kathleen Edwards - Alicia Ross

Okay, this is a really pretty song, and if you have five minutes, listen to it. This whole album is really good, and if you want it, let me know.


So let me just point out that, as much as I love this video, and I was dying laughing, I think it's funny that it's a "Breaking News Video."

And I Know Something, Something About You...

Marcy Playground - A Cloak of Elvenkind

Why yes, this is indeed the same Marcy Playground that sings "Sex and Candy." But I can't help it, I love this whole album. Truth.


So as I previously mentioned, I was a lame-o last night. But I'm okay with it. So my friend came over and we watched Sex and the City, and then we decided it was incredibly warm in our apartment, and we went outside. It was there that I had the most awkward encounter of my life.

I don't know why it was so awkward, but it was a kid that I haven't seen since last year, and hadn't communicated with at all, and it was incredibly awkward. And really, there's plenty of people that I've seen this year that I haven't talked to in forever, and it wasn't awkward. But this certainly was. So we awkwardly parted, and my friend and I went back into my apartment.

So upon returning, we watched Running With Scissors, a movie that would have been better had I not read the book. However, partway through, for some unknown reason, we started having an incredibly vicious wrestling (wrastlin') match. It really got out of hand, but I'm proud to say that I was the obvious victor.

The only problem was that we shredded our couch cushions. This happens all the time. Our couch has been sewn back together over a dozen times so far this year. The only thing is that it's generally the sign that people have been hooking up on the couch. Of course, we weren't hooking up, but we figured we might as well pretend.

So we left condoms out on the table, she put on a pair of my pants, and when my roommates got home, they felt incredibly awkward seeing us cuddle on the couch, and I loved it.

So at about 3 I drove her home, and I said to myself, "I'm in a car, I might as well go to Meijer." So I hit it up, and upon walking in the store, I immediately decided that I needed to buy bacon (obviously). So I bought my bacon, and returned home. By this point, it was 4 o'clock or so, which meant (follow me here) I decided it was time to take a shower.

When I get out, I look at my phone to set my alarm, and I see that someone texted me while I was showering. I open up my phone, and my friend sent me this exact text: "Chum." No explanation. So I send her back the appropriate response ("Hoe") and went to sleep.

She never responded.

I called her today, and apparently she had gotten drunk and passed out long before 4:15, so who knows how she managed to text me then, but it made me giggle. So now I just have to figure out what she was talking about. My guess: she was dreaming about fishing for sharks. What else could it be?

We're Just A Little Bit Lost Inside Our Houses. We're Just A Little Unkept Out In The Steets...

Mates Of State - Blue And Gold Print

This is a live video, so the sound isn't perfect, but it's still pretty good, and it's a great song, so it's worth it. When I marry Regina Spektor, we too are going to form a magical musical duo, and we're going to be even better than Mates Of State. Truth.


So I'm being lame tonight. Don't judge me. My amiga is coming over and we're watching Sex and the City the Movie, because I love both the show, and the movie. That's how I roll.

And it's great, because I've been meaning to meet up with this girl for the past few months, and it's never happened, but then we discovered yesterday that we have a class together, and we made plans. So excited!


Also, this is the most inspirational article ever. Mitch, you're my boy. For real real.


But really, this post is to tell you about what happened at practice yesterday, and I somehow forgot to mention it yesterday. So we're chillaxing in the training room, and after all the players had gotten set up for treatment and whatnot, we were just hanging about.

So we say to ourselves (yes, collectively), "let's cup eachother!!" Now, yes, that sounds kind of dirty, but if you're aware of the practice of cupping, then it's not quite as weird.

Now that Wikipedia article is slightly different from what we were doing. Our's didn't involve any heat, but it did involve a super intense vacuum pump. So the picture that they show of a person's back a day after treatment pales in comparison to what my back looks like. I have several large, raised welts, and they're all a deep deep purple. It's real gross.

Now we do sometimes do this for actual treatment sake. It's super old school, as I'm sure you've figured out, but a few of our athletes swear by it. Most hate it, because it leaves round hickies on your skin for days, but if you can get past that, sometimes it helps.

But basically what I'm saying is that my back is real gross. Real real gross.

That You Were Romeo, You Were Throwing Pebbles, And My Daddy Said, "Stay Away From Juliet..."

Taylor Swift - Love Story

First off, I love this song, and I love Taylor Swift, and if you disagree, then you're wrong, and that's that. I don't care that it's shitty pop-country (a terrible genre, as almost all country made in the last three decades is awful), it's still magical.

Anyhoo.


So remember the one person that I hate? The one person that I hold a grudge against? The person that was a huge ass to me in grade school and I never got over it because im petty? Remember?!

WELL GUESS WHO JUST FRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK! DAMN HIM! I will not accept it! I don't care if he doesn't know that we're feuding! We are, and I hate him.

And really, I don't take that term lightly. Again, he's the only person I would assign it to. The only person that even comes close. And believe me, he deserves it.


Also, if you're curious as to what my new hair looks like, and we're Facebook friends, pictures are posted. That is all.

Like A Man Who Has No Conscience...

Outerspace - Third Rock

For some unknown reason, this video is a minute longer than the song is, so there's just a minute of silence at the end. Yeah, I don't know.


So I had an odd encounter yesterday. One of my friends, a hipster (dear God...), said to me, "I was a hipster before hipsters were cool." "Huh," I said. You see, this is all I could think of to say, because I was unaware hipsters were cool.

Personally, being a hipster would be my worst nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I like indie music, and I like wearing awkward clothing, but I'm far from a hipster. You see, I also listen to non-indie music, and my awkward clothing is homemade. Also, my favorite movie is Rocky, not Amélie (though I do love that movie), and I don't think I'm intrinsically a better, cooler person than you.


OH. Also yesterday. I started working as an athletic trainer for the women's gymnastics team. It was such a change from the football team. It was crazy. For example, instead of over a hundred athletes, there were a dozen. But the biggest change was a total change in mentality. At gymnastics, for example, I would do treatment and rehab and whatnot when the girls came in, but when there was nothing to do, I didn't do anything.

I felt so weird doing it. As I was standing around looking for things to do, the head trainer says to me, "you know, you can sit down. There's no work to do." I confusedly sat down. You see, if I tried such a stunt in the football training room, I'd be viciously berated, and then sent home. Because that's how they roll at football.

So this was a pleasant change.


Also, I had my first day of classes yesterday, and my English prof might be the coolest person I've ever met. As much as I'm not good at english, I can deal with a teacher who prances around the class and giggles. And I'm quite certain that she described herself as feeling like different colors ("I was feeling purple yesterday"). I like her.

And All The Swedish Girls, They Hang Out At The Hotel. It's Sex For Green Cards, I Think They Know You Very Well...

Butch Walker - The Weight Of Her

So Butch Walker is my new musical love. It's the truth. And after a very insightful Wikipedia sesh, I now know so much more about him. For example, he wrote the song "Girl All The Bad Guys Want," sung by Bowling For Soup. That's shitty pop-punk greatness!!

He's also a producer, putting out albums like Katy Perry's One of the Boys, Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter, Day I Forgot, and Nightcrawler, The Donnas' Gold Medal and Pink's I'm Not Dead and Funhouse. He also makes an appearance in Pink's video for "So What" (aka the best video ever because she insisted that Carey Hart be in it), and apparently Butch and Pink were an item for a brief period of time following her divorce to Hart.

Anyhoo.


So I'm at this party last night, and after I've been there for about an hour, I notice that this one girl has been sitting on a chair the whole time I've been there, and she's spent the whole time texting on her phone. So I went over to her, took her phone and her alcohol, and said she could have them back after she'd mingled for a while.

So she takes out her keys and says, "well I live in an apartment down the hall, I'll just get a new drink there." So I took her keys.

Needless to say, she was a little upset at first. I mean, a stranger just took her keys, phone, and most importantly, her hooch. She kind of faux-mingled for a little while, at which point I gave her the alcohol back, as I figured maybe it would help with the mingling. And after a couple hours, she thanked me for making her go dance and what not, so it all worked out in the end. Hurray!!

The only problem was that I forgot to give her her keys back. Oops...

But I got them back to her eventually, so it's okay. Hurray again!!

Would You Run Away? But I Know You Won't, Oh I Know You Won't, Yeah I Know You Won't, Oh I Know...

The Do - Tammie


So I got back to school yesterday, which meant I had many a person stop by my apartment purely to see my new haircut. The response was entirely positive, though who knows if they actually meant it.

Though one of my favorite gay friends, GayPhil, informed me that while he loved my long hair, he thought that with my haircut, there was no stopping me from becoming a model. Granted, I've never had any desire to be a model, but perhaps...

But no.


Also, timeout. Can we take a moment to go over the fact that this must have been the most uncomfortable this poor woman has ever been? I can't really think of anything worse. Don't get me wrong. Richard Simmons seems like a perfectly nice man, and that time he showed up on "Whose Line" was magical (especially the part where Richard is a telescope. Creepiest moment in television history. Or when he's a jet ski...or a raft...). But really, this must have been terrible.

Terrible...

We Spent Every Hour Of Every Day, Taking For Granted It Would Be This Way...

Low Season Combo - Colourful Invasion


So apparently I'm an obsessive freak, and the world should know about it.

So GayRoommate is telling me about how one of our friends that's often at our apartment may have pink eye, and he's trying to look out for me:

Me: "Well I guess I should be careful not to be touching my eye."

GR: "Yeah, and you should be washing your hands a lo...well...just continue to wash your hands as much as you already do."

Me: "Right."

Dammit! People have noticed! You see, I wash my hands dozens of times a day. I can't help myself. It's a real problem. But I always hoped I was doing it on the sly. Apparently not...

I'm Dumb, She's A Lesbian, I Thought I Had Found The One...

Weezer - Pink Triangle

This song means so much more to me now.

I refer you to a prior post, in which I wrote about finding a girl that I may have loved. Well I saw her today for the first time since our meeting. We hung out, got coffee, played Scrabble, etc., and at one point in the discussion, it became horribly clear. Oh no, she's gay. That'll make our love more difficult.

So this was a little heartbreaking, but I suppose I'll survive. Though I do wish I had known prior to our hanging out today. I think that if you're super attractive and gay, you should tell anyone of the opposite sex right away, so as to avoid any confusion:

"Hey there, I'm Jessica, and I'm a lesbian, so don't be attracted to me!"

"Nice to meet you Jessica! I'm Nick! Let's just be friends!"

"Sounds great!"

How much easier would that be??

I've Been Taken Too Far, I Cracked When I Tried To Press My Luck...

Nicole Atkins - War Torn


So today is my madre's birthday. So happy birthday Madre!! I came home last night just before midnight so as to play her a birthday song on the piano. I won't lie to you, it was great. Possibly the best song ever written.

Okay, fine. It was shitty, and I didn't "write" it, so much as I made it up as I went. But either way, happy birthday Madre!! Again!!


So let me tell you a little story. So I'm driving to my friend's grandparents' house to pick up my camera which somehow ended up there. Don't worry about how, it's a long, boring story. Anyhoo. So I'm driving. I'm in a pretty great mood, only brought down a little by the radio DJ saying that "Jack and Diane" was by John Mellencamp. "John Cougar!" I yelled at the radio, but to no avail. Damnation. But I managed to move past it.

So I get to the house, and retrieve my camera, but I can never pass up a chance to talk to old people that I don't really know. It's a problem, but I can't help myself. I just know that they know so much more shit than I do, and I like hearing about things that I don't know.

And we discussed everything: our favorite movies (answer: Rocky), what kind of funeral we'd like for ourselves (answer: New Orleans style) / what we'd like our headstones to look like (answer: generic, but with a super exciting epitaph) / would we want to be cremated (answer: no), what kind of apples make the best applesauce (answer: jonamac), would Johnny Carson have made a good President (answer: a resounding yes), etc. It was a magical time.

But alas, eventually I had to leave. So I was in a super mood as I drove home, but the gods decided it'd be funny to fuck with me a little. So when the song "Jack and Diane" came on a different radio station, and the DJ announced that it was by John Mellencamp, I almost smashed my car into a tree. Those bastards...

Sometimes I Wish I Was More Like You...

Michael Riley - Brave and Strong

Now every once in a while I feel the need to post purely to share a musician with you. This is one of those posts. Michael Riley is someone that I can guarantee will be super super famous someday. You wait for it.

"Brave and Strong" is far from his best song, but for some reason, it's the only one he has on his Myspace, and it's the only one that I can find streaming anywhere. But if you want his other stuff, and I promise that you do, email me, and I'll send it to you. You'll be super undisappointed.

You Wait A Long Time For Me...

Lazlo Bane - I'm Not In Love

I know, I always forget they have songs that aren't "Superman" too.


So I went to Meijer today, and I actually had a goal in mind. Usually I just go there to wander with people, and hang out in the bulk food aisle. Because my friends and I are ballers.

But not today! Today, I was on a mission! Stay away old woman who no doubt has interesting stories! Out of the way small child! No time to dodge you today! Move it family of four! Stop impeding my progress! You don't need food today! No! For today...I bought moisturizer! While it might not seem like much to you, buying moisturizer is super exciting for me. Because, and I don't know if you know this about me, I use more of it than anyone I've ever met. I carry a bottle of it around with me 24/7.

Yes, I do get made fun of for this. But that's okay, because it keeps my face silky smooth. The only problem with it is that it costs 11 dollars a bottle, and I run through about a bottle every three to four weeks, which sucks, because I'm poor.

Many people say to me, "hey, why don't you just buy a cheaper brand?" "Don't be an idiot," I say, "I can't just switch brands! Where's your loyalty?!" They usually start to argue, but then walk away (Victory!!).

So moral of the story, if you have any spare Cetaphil Daily Facial Moisturizer With SPF 15 that you'd like to get rid of, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. No need to thank me. Just doing my duty to society.

The Fortune Teller Never Told Me That My Life Would Be Like This...

Radial Nerve - Rain


Well first of all, happy new year!!! Huzzah!!!


Now that that's over with, I have just a very brief anecdote. I'm watching the Capital One Bowl between MSU and Georgia, and the announcer says something along the lines of "they just keep pulling a Plaxico. They just keep shooting themselves." Yeah. Seriously.

He was, of course, referring to the story that broke in December, where Giants Receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg, thus leading to his arrest, as he was not allowed to be carrying a gun around. This incident was really all worthwhile, as it led to this, the funniest headline in history. Yup. They took all the dangerous goods from his home: weapons, ammo, and pants.