So They Made My Life Into A Movie, As If I Could Forget Those Years...

Jack's Mannequin - Annie Use Your Telescope



Now when I see a growing menace, I feel as if it is my duty to alert the rest of the world to it. "World!" I yell, "A menace is growing!" Most people choose to ignore me, thinking I'm simply a confused homeless person. I can only hope that you people (yeah, I said it) can see that in this instance, you better listen, lest you face the terrible future that will be if this problem is not dealt with.

This problem, of course, is Australia. And if we don't stomp them out, soon, they'll rule the world! Read on.

Now no doubt you have heard of the young lad who recently went on a bit of a rampage, feeding 13 animals, including, yes, a "large turtle" to a crocodile at an Austrailian zoo. But this little bit of creative tom-foolery is not the only sign that Austrailia is on the rise.

The Australians apparently also live longer. This cheery old lass recently turned 108, and apparently is still quite the partier, reportedly enjoying a morning tea two days in a row to celebrate her big day. Woah. Slow down there lady. Though, admittedly, it did seem to wear her out a little. Quite understandable I dare say!

Also, they have far more exciting office parties, at least judging by this government official who resigned after the story broke that he danced semi-nude at a parliamentary office party. Can you imagine, say, Hillary Clinton dancing in just her bra and panti...oh God. I just did. Scratch that. Moving on.

They have also developed a far more exciting method of reducing greenhouse gases. It's so obvious! Eat the kangaroos! Now why can't some courageous young American environmentalist just step up and admit that the real way to lower this country's emmissions is to eat baby deer? Everybody knows it! SOMEONE ANSWER THE CALL!!

Now apparently, all this positive news coming out of Australia has gotten people excited to travel there. This young lad just couldn't wait to touch down!

Something must be done.