I'll Call You When I Find My Way On...

The Owls - The Way On (you have to press play in the top right cornerish)


So my amiga and I were trying to come up with ways that I could be more manly. And no, this is not because she pointed out that she's actually more of a man than I am (I just lied). So this is what we came up with. If you have any suggestions, they'll be appreciated. Seriously. You think I'm kidding, but really, if you know any manly activities that are feasible, please let me know. Anyhoo, here's what we have so far:

1. Wear a wifebeater

2. Eat more beef jerky

3. Steal shit

4. Wear ripped jeans

5. Watch Scarface more

6. Punch the wall

7. Punch the TV

8. Punch cats

9. Punch my friends

10. Punch strangers

11. Punch the air triumphantly after ever victory, no matter how small

12. High-five more (this one might not be possible. I high-five a lot)

13. Go fishing more

14. Purchase a gun

15. Go on a safari

16. Go deer hunting

17. Go bear hunting

18. Go bear hunting with no weapons except my hands

19. Talk loudly on my Bluetooth device in public while making eye contact with people so they think I'm talking to them, and if they respond, I'll point at my Bluetooth device and smirk in such a manner so as to say, "oh, I'm not talking to you, I was talking on my phone via this trendy Bluetooth device. Yes, it's quite technologically advanced. Thank you for noticing. Feel free to be jealous."

20. Jump off the roof because "it'd be badass"

21. Drink only cheap beer and liquor (PBR, Natural Light, Burnett's, etc)

22. Drive a pick-up truck

23. Make lots of jokes about women's rights (check!)

24. Listen to more Metallica and Iron Maiden

25. Grunt

26. Play rugby

27. Play hockey

28. Play football

29. Eat more brats

30. Become a lumberjack

31. Improve my plumbing skills

32. Throw things at old people

33. Follow my old high school's athletics so so closely that people will think I'm confused as to whether I think I still go there or not

34. Drive a Hummer

35. Own a giant stainless steel grill that can grill a sturgeon

36. Deep fry my Thanksgiving turkey

37. Refer to my friends as "broseph"

38. Subscribe to Car & Driver magazine

39. Have sex with a new girl each night from now on until the day I die and never speak to them again (a la Entourage)

40. Wink at strangers (I can then proceed to #10 so as to be more efficient with my time)


That's all I've got so far. Let me know if you come up with any.

And you might be saying to yourself, "it looks to me that several of those things should be on the list 'Ways To Be More Of An Asshole.'" To that I respond, "are those two lists actually different?"