Ageless Beauty, Cruelty Makes Its Holes...

Stars - Ageless Beauty


So now, at 2:22, I've almost finished my Halloween costume. I have no choice but to do it now. I'll be busy all day tomorrow, and I need it tomorrow night. Damn.

But it's so baller. So I'm a kangaroo.

I hit up Salvation Army and bought a brown cordury shirt and pants, along with a brown t-shirt. I then hit up Meijer where I acquired another brown t-shirt (on clearance for $1) and a set of black cat ears, as well as 40 super heavy duty safety pins.

So I'm going to wear the cordury shirt and pants. I took the second t-shirt, and through skillful cutting and pinning, fashioned it into a tail which I stuffed with the inside of an old pillow. Also, for future reference, there is no more satisfying activity in the world than stabbing the shit out of a pillow. For real.

I then attached the tail to my pants via the heavy-duty safety pins. I then cut apart the first brown t-shirt and attached it to another emptied out pillow, which will be attached to my shirt and used as my pouch (my plan is to ask incredibly inebriated girls if they'd like to climb in. I'll then proceed to take them home with me).

I then used brown Kineseotex tape and taped up my black cat ears, making them brown kangaroo ears.

Overall, I'm the sexiest kangaroo in history. Now, my madre made ObnoxiouslyHappySister a kangaroo costume when she played Kanga in a grade school play, and I'll admit, that costume was way better. Way way better. But thank goodness nobody will be standing next to me wearing that costume this weekend. Because it would be embarassing.


Now, maybe you're asking yourself, "what made him decide to be a kangaroo?" This is a valid question. So I was sitting in stats class, after just turned in my project, and I was already bored. I hate that class so so much.

So my mind may have wandered a little. And suddenly, it came to me. "KANGAROOOOOOO!" Excitedly, I whispered it to myself. "Baller! Kangaroo time!" Thank goodness the girl sitting next to me already knew how weird I am.

I could barely contain myself all football practice. I think I asked every player what they were going to be, just so they would ask me. For example:

"Hey, so what are you dressing up as for Halloween?"

"A tampon." (seriously)

"Fun!"

"What are you going to be?"

"I'm a kangaroo!! Hippity hop hop!!!"

That was my cue to excitedly dance away, searching for my next victim.


And I'm not the only one getting excited. Some people are already getting dressed up. On my way home from practice, I saw one of my favorite homeless people (Lenny) wearing a pink jumpsuit on which he had sharpied in the words "Duh. I'm a Care Bear." I love that man.