An Addiction To Hands And Feet, There's A Meat Market Down The Street...

Regina Spektor - Dance Anthem of the 80s

As you know, Regina is my future wife, and her new album, Far, came out on June 23rd. And it's epic. And even more epic, on September 15, I'm totally seeing her in concert, and I can't even wait. I should work on my proposal techniques.


So I apologize for my lack of posts recently. There's not a lot of access to computers to blog when you're on Venus, working with the WWF to create an enclosed, satellite habitat for koala bears.


So I suppose I should give a brief summation of the past few months:

1) Became addicted to Awkward Family Photos and MyLifeIsAverage. It's a sickness.

2) Went skydiving (aka the greatest event of my life), meaning that everything in my life basically sucks now, because no matter what I'm doing, I find myself thinking, "I really wish I was falling through the air two miles above the ground..."

3) Started dating girl I've had a crush on for months, which makes me giggle.

4) Almost got hit by a car while dancing in the middle of the street during a thunderstorm. Lesson learned.

5) Had my birthday, which to the uneducated observer might have appeared to be a birthday party for either a six year old girl (via the Easy-Bake Oven) or boy (via the fully automatic Vulcan EBF-25 NERF Blaster Turret). That's how we do. Thanks friends.

6) Probably lots more things that I can't think of right now. Alas. But I suppose what can you do?


In other news, I start working with the women's soccer team on August 4th, and I can't even wait. I loves those girls. It'll be rad to the max. I feel good about it, considering that my soon to be boss has already threatened to "slap the shit" out of me. Naturally, I reminded her that I wear many more rings than she does, and I think I scared her away. Victory.

Also, one of the girls who's at home over the summer texted me a few hours ago telling me that she was making epic plans for adventures that will ensue the week she gets back into town. I'm pumped.


Oh! I remembered an exciting news-worthy event that I forgot to mention. I had this epic conversation with FormerJewishRoommate recently, and it still makes me giggle, just thinking about it.

Me: "Howdy!"

FJR: "Dude, let's go to IHOP."

Me: "Ahh, I'd love to, but alas, I'm not even in the same state as you."

FJR: "Well hurry up! So like an hour?"

Me: "No, dude, you don't get it. I'm nowhere near you. I'm in no position to go to IHOP with you either now or in an hour."

FJR: "So like an hour and a half? You seriously need to get back here. IHOP!"

Me: "Why won't you listen to me?!? I'm not going to IHOP with you! I'll go in a couple days when I'm back!"

FJR: "But dude, this is IHOP. But I can't drive, so just meet me at my apartment, and you can drive my car."

Me: "Really right now?"

FJR: "So I'll see you soon."

Me: "What is wrong with you?!? I'm not going to IHOP with you! I'm in the wrong state! We can go when I'm back in a couple days!"

FJR: "No IHOP?"

Me: "I hate you."

FJR: "Don't do it for me, do it for international relations. International pancake relations."

Me: "I'm hanging up on you. Huggles."

I hung up. He was very drunk, and very high. So I can hardly blame him for being upset about me not going to IHOP. I mean, being in a different state is hardly an excuse for missing out on drunken, stoned waffles (drunk stoned people eating waffles, that is, as opposed to the waffles being drunk and stoned).

I hope he'll forgive me someday.


Also, if you could send some good vibes to one of my little gymnasts, that would be amazing. Because her dad just died, which makes me sad. Gracias.

No One's Laughing At God When It's Gotten Real Late And Their Kid's Not Back From That Party Yet...

Regina Spektor - Laughing With

NEW REGINA SINGLE!!! Ahhhh I can't wait until June 23. I'm going to be at Best Buy the second it opens. I'm so stoked.


So on Wednesday, May 27, I'm going to go see The Outer Vibe, and I don't think it's possible for me to be more excited. It's going to be extra magical...to the max...to the EXTREME!!!!

I'm stoked.


Oh. So this weekend, I went to Salvation Army with a few of my rowers, and we bought magical shirts. For example, I bought one that has nothing on the back, and on the front it says "DAVID" and has a big "7" in the middle. It's as if whoever was making it got confused, and put the back on the front.

Or the one that just mysteriously says "Hot Pockets" on the front.

Or the one that has nothing on the back, and just a big black "T" on the front. I don't understand. But it makes me smile.


So yesterday, I was walking to class, wearing my new (well, new for me), and far too small (size 50? I don't know what country that is) shirt that was apparently intended for an 11 year old girl, as it says "Small In Size, Big In Attitude."

Anyhoo, some random boy walks up to me and says, "is your shirt a joke?" Here's where you have to recall that I'm 6'5".

So I respond, "um, yeah I suppose it is."

Completely straight-faced, he responds, "I think it's funny."

He then walked away, leaving me befuddled. That bastard.

Is That Alright? Give My Gun Away When It's Loaded, Is That Alright, With You?

Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

I've never watched the video for this song before now. It's currently a big favorite for creepiest music video of all time. But watch the whole thing, or else you won't really get the full effect. But wow, goodness me.


Anyhoo. So as TallRoommate and ShortRoommate have moved home for the summer, and as they found nobody to sublet from them, it's going to be just me and GayRoommate all summer. Thus, he has moved into the other bedroom, as it was decided that, despite the fact that we like eachother, there's not really a reason for us to share a room, and leave a room empty.

I suppose we could have turned it into some other sort of room (guest room, servant's quarters, giant moon bounce room, etc.), but I think that I'm satisfied with this decision.


Also. Wait. Did everyone watch the Red Wings game last night? I'm still upset. First, can we go over that it was at this point that the ref decided that the puck was dead, and he should probably blow the whistle? Except, wait, what's that rubber object in the bottom corner? Oh! It's the puck! In full view! Not being touched by anyone! About to be tipped into the net! Damn you Brad Watson. Damn you to hell. And the worst part is, the whistle didn't even blow until after the puck went in the net (time 1:21 in the video). It was just decided that the ref intended to blow it before it went in. I wanted to throw something at the TV.

And dear Brad Stuart, apparently you're not allowed to check anyone anymore. Because if you hit them too hard, you're going to get a bullshit interference call. I hate people.


In happier news, I've decided to become a model. I know, it's exciting news. The end.

And All Our Lives Were Lost In Vain, Now They've Got More To Fear Than A Hurricane...

Or, The Whale - Call and Response

I like the name of this band. It makes me want to read Moby Dick. Perhaps I should have read that already at this point in my life, but I guess what can you do?


So I got breakfast with my amiga this morning, per our brand new ritual of "Mondays With Awesome." I believe she named it, but I'm not totally sure which one of us she's labeling as the awesome one. I like to think me.

But it was pretty rad. We sat in a coffeeshop and played my new favorite game. It's called "Let's Judge Strangers." Here's how you play. Basically, you watch strangers walk past, and judge them. It's great fun.


Speaking of new games, wait for it. I legit invented this one, and it's going to be huge. It's intended purely for when you're at a party with large quantities of drunk people. Here's what you do. You go to a party with a sleeve of crackers (preferably Ritz, but other generic brands work as well). Walk around at the party, go up to people having a conversation, and when one of them is talking, insert a cracker into their mouth. Then walk away. It's basically the best thing ever.

It might not sound like much, but I swear, if you do it, you'll think it's hilarious. Because it totally is.

And when it's an international craze, just know that you heard it here first.

Don't You Call Me Your Friend, Or On The Phone. Don't You Dare When You're Alone. Just 'Cause You're Lonely Don't Mean That You're In Love No More...

Patrick Thomas - Anymore (you have to go down and click on the play button next to the song)


So I'm terribly sorry for the huge span of time without any posts. My life has been incredibly busy, and I've just been fairly unable to post.


So let me try to update you on major occurrences that took place (or occurred, if I may) during my absense. I left you just before I attended an Andrew Bird concert. Which was magical. And then about an hour after the show, I was in the general vicinity of the theater, and I saw Andrew Bird. Naturally, I had no choice but to run up to him and sputter out something along the lines of "you're...oh wow...you're...this is crazy...you're Andrew Bird."

He looked at me strangely and responded, "yeah, I'm Andrew Bird."

"I just saw your concert, and it was ridiculously epic."

He smiled and goes "oh really? I'm glad to hear it."

We then chatted for several minutes, and he then looks at me and goes "Well, I'm supposed to meet up with a few old friends, but would you like an apple? It's organic and really good." He then held out the apple that he was holding. And no, it didn't seem strange at all.

"I'd like nothing more." So I took it from him, I hugged him (and yeah, he totally hugged me back), and we departed. I then ate that apple, and I swear to you, it tasted like talent. And let's think about it for a second, he probably was sweating at least a little, and no doubt some of his sweat and whatnot got on that apple, meaning that I may or may not have ingested some of that talent. I should go record an album right now.


Let's see what else happened in my life. I withdrew from my physics class with one lecture left, as I was failing. Apparently they don't usually allow that to happen, but because I'm pretty cool, they accepted my petition. And I'm pretty stoked about it. Plus that meant that I finished with exams a week earlier than anticipated, and over a week before any of my roommates, which seemed to upset all of them. And I loved it.


Oh, and I made a new friend at Kroger. I was there with 7 or 8 or my amigas, super late at night (yay for 24 hour stores!), and as we were walking out, I spotted a super friendly looking (she just was, don't question it) cashier who was adding up her register or something, so she had no customers. But instead of saying anything, we just walked out.

However, when we got to the car, I said to myself "What are you doing? Go make a friend!" So I made one of the girls come back in with me, and I went up to her:

"Hey, as I was walking out a minute ago, I thought you looked super friendly, but then I walked out, but now I came back, so I think we should be friends."

smiling "Well then, let's be friends."

"No, but I mean real friends. Not just Kroger friends."

"Well how do you want to do this?"

"Oh girl please, I came up with the idea of being friends. You have to do the rest."

"Well do you have a Facebook?"

"You know I do."

So now she and I are Facebook friends. And we're totally hanging out this week. And I couldn't be happier about it.


Oh, and yesterday was my amiga's father's birthday. So she made me go shopping for his present with her, and I decided that I should probably get him something too. Naturally, I purchased him a bag of Circus Peanuts, because that's funny to me.

That night, he and I shared this convo, via text (of course we text):

Oh and timeout, he sent me this first text at 2:06 AM. I didn't question why. But I'm curious.

Amiga's Father: "I love my Circus Peanuts. Thank you sooo much. Do you recommend eating them now or letting them age for a few more years?"

Me: "haha personally, i recommend never eating them, and see if they ferment. but thats just me"

AF: "Wow there's an option I have never considered. Is it possible to get wasted on fermented circus peanuts? I should try that"

M: "im excited for it. i hear twinkies do the same thing."

AF: "In 12 years, let's have a party."

That man makes me smile.

And on the subject of Circus Peanuts, I was trying to describe them to someone at a party last night. Naturally, I described them as being gummies that were like kiwis that never ripened, but that did get thrown on the ground a lot, except that they're orange and shaped like peanuts, but then for some unknown reason, banana flavored. I think that's pretty accurate, yes? At the time, at least, it made perfect sense.


So that's been life for the past few weeks. I'm sure other things happened, but I can't remember them, so let's hope that they weren't too important.

Soldier On, Soldier On, Soldier On, Soldier On...

Andrew Bird - Fitz and Dizzyspells

So after much deliberation, I'm taking a few hour break from studying physics to go to see Andrew Bird tonight. I'm basically stoked. I've heard that he puts on amazing shows, so it should be pretty magical. So I mean, feel free to be jealous. I can hardly blame you.

We Spent Each Hour Of Every Day Taking For Granted It Would Be This Way, No Other Possibility. She's Everything To Me...

Low Season Combo - Colourful Invasion

Low Season Combo is just so straight up happy, I feel as if it's impossible not to like them. The end.


First off. How could this song be a new hit? I mean, I understand that lot's of songs come out that think that they're introducing baller new dances. But dancing as if your leg stinks...er stank? For real?

Plus, this is a terrible terrible music video. Yeah, it rivals "First of tha Month."


Anyhoo. So my gymnastics girls lost at regionals, so I suppose I'll cancel my trip to Nebraska for nationals. Damn. I was super excited for it. And had I known that I wouldn't have had to save my money for Nebraska, I totally would have gone to Arkansas for regionals, but I knew that I couldn't afford both. Poor life decision. Hmm.


Oh, and are we ready for the most embarassing moment ever? So I'm videochatting with FavoriteUConnStudent, and skillfully fell asleep. I was real tired apparently. But it was bad news bears. Yeah, I was mid-conversation, and fell asleep. Goodness.


Oh! And this happened like a week ago, but I forgot to mention it. I officially got my team assignment for next semester and I'm with women's soccer. I'm super stoked. It was my first request, so I'm pumped. I like the soccer girls a lot. Plus, they tell me that they like to talk shit with the other teams, and that makes me smile. You don't get too much of that with women's gymnastics. Mostly they like to hug their opponents, which yes, is adorable, but is much less exciting.


Speaking of things that happened a while ago, we had our 6,000th visitor! It was really a while ago and I somehow didn't notice, and my Site Meter thing doesn't keep track of visitors that far back, so instead, we're going to celebrate our 6,300 visitor! This time it goes to...dang, someone in Fort Mill, SC who stumbled here via Google images. So...6,301st!!!! Goes to...our favorite reader out of Gainesville, Florida!

Hurray for you! Despite the fact that you probably are a Gator, I don't hate you. Huzzah!!